Corinne's NYC Ventures!: The Reality of Expectations

This is a more personal posting, of things I've been processing the past month. One I'm actually quite nervous about sharing publicly on a blog. But one I also find necessary to share as it's part of my NYC experience. If you're not interested in serious thoughts, skip to the bottom and look at some pictures :)

When did it all begin? Probably with the subtle infiltration of Hollywood. The gorgeous photography of the NYC skyline, shots of pristine streets, bright and airy studios in the heart of the city, and women in gorgeous clothing prancing around in their high heels (they wouldn't last a minute on the real life streets of Manhattan). The perfect impracticalities of the city glossed over in the name of entertainment. Which I really have no problem with. It was probably further compounded by my two vacations to the city within 6 weeks of each other! I was intoxicated; the lights, sounds, sights, endless food choices, the crazy city life. Three years spent building my Manhattan existence in my mind. The Hollywood version of my life in the city. The carefree, easy-going lifestyle that I would have in my UWS loft surrounded by gorgeous designer clothes and a perfectly decorated apartment (with lots clean lines, large windows and plenty of teal and gray decor). But most importantly I'd be doing what I love- the reason I moved here in the first place. Expectations. Unfounded. And the inevitable crushing weight of reality.
I am living in a house in the Bronx. I continue to work at the Container Store and leave at 5 a.m most days. I'm exhausted every day, I schlepp around everything, I carry heavy things, walk in the rain, and apply for jobs in my spare time. My life is more unglamorous than ever before. It's hard. I left behind my friends, sold most of my possessions, gave up my car, my community, Chick-fil-A(!)... everything. For this? It just doesn't make sense.
I'll tell you what DOES make sense though. God is using this to teach and grow me. I was re-reading my journal entries from the past year and every time my pen hit the paper I was asking God to lead and guide my life. I was asking very specifically for THREE years that He would let me live in NYC. I know that He gave me an unshakeable love and desire for the city and I knew that I had to come here. Every last detail of my move worked out - and I wasn't even trying that hard! Things fell into place that didn't make sense. Things that I thought were lined up for when I got here fell away unexpectedly (a job, for one). Yet God never promised me that I would have my "dream" job or apartment or that I would have a lot of expendable income. And why would He? If I have consistently learned one thing this year it's that God is more concerned with my sanctification (my following Him and becoming more like Him) than with my happiness. He wants EVERY little piece of my heart. And He will pursue me adamantly to get it. To get me to surrender. Yes, I am in NYC - what I have dreamed of and prayed for the last 3 years. Yes, I really DO love living here (most days). Yes, it is so challenging. Yes, I believe God led me here. No, I don't understand everything. No, I don't think life is about the pursuit of material gain, so why was that my expectation?
This week I have been learning the beauty of surrendering to God's plan for me here. It still doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but it's not about me. And I look forward to the wisdom that comes with hindsight; maybe one day I'll know why I'm here. I don't have the answers. I don't have the next step. But I'm here. And God is good. And there is a joy in being here that transcends happiness. And slowly but surely, contentment is coming into my life.
If you have never experienced this joy and hope in Christ, I would love to share with you about what He's done in my life and how He has changed my mindset and my life. The hope I have can be yours as well. My hope in Jesus Christ, who was crucified for our sins, died and was buried, who rose again after 3 days and sits at the right hand of God the Father. All who accept His marvelous gift of grace, dying for sins we committed so that we can be forgiven will spend eternity in Heaven with Him. Now that is the reality of my expectations. And that will never let me down.

"Do not sorrow. The joy of the Lord is your strength" (Nehemiah 8:10)
"Those who trust in the Lord will not be put to shame" (Psalm 25:3)
"Therefore I will lead her to the wilderness, speak tenderly to her, and there I will give her vineyards back to her and make the valley of trouble a gateway of hope..." (Hosea 2:4-15).
"Wait for the Lord, be courageous and let your heart be strong. Wait for the Lord" (Ps. 27:4).
"Godliness with contentment is great gain" (1 Timothy 6:6).

*Pictures taken with an Iphone - please excuse the quality.